What I want to remember from Wednesday

Tucking in my baby’s feet with his monkey quilt Grandma Sonja and Grandpa Kitchener made for him. Normally, I just lay him down and place the blanket on top of him. But this time, I tucked in around his feet and he gave me the sweetest smile as if to say, “Thanks, Mom.”

Playing and giggling with my baby as he finished up his supper in his high chair. He had gotten a little slap-happy, and we began putting our foreheads together in a bout of silliness and this just made him (and me) laugh and laugh and giggle and giggle, until Daddy had to come over and ask us to go upstairs because he was on a work call. Afterward, Jordan said how much he loved seeing us do that and was sad to ask us to stop.

What I want to remember from this week

Was it Wednesday? Or some other day? I guess it doesn’t matter much. What matters is the memory. Miles and I read “Where the Wild Things Are” together in his room. We started reading it in his tepee tent (a favorite tradition of his and mine) but then finished reading it (for the second time or so) outside the tent probably because we had gotten so into the book. As I read, I showed Miles how to “roar a terrible roar,” “gnash his terrible teeth,” “roll his terrible eyes,” and “show his terrible claws.” During the “wild rumpus” part of the book that has only pictures, I made up sounds and songs and tried to show him how to be a wild thing having a wild rumpus. :) He looved it and he tried to follow me with the different actions and sounds. He smiled and we had a hoot-hollering good time. I looved it too. :)

What I want to remember from this morning

This morning, Miles woke up a good while earlier than normal. I worried he was really hungry because he didn’t nurse quite as much as he normally does before bed. So I took him to bed around 4:15 a.m. and nursed him back to sleep. He slept with us after that for about the next three hours, nursing on and off during that time. I know it goes against our sleep training and I hope it doesn’t have negative repercussions. I was trying to do right by Miles. But one thing that was so, so special and dear to me was when during that time, he stopped nursing and I rolled him over to the other side of me where I just cradled him in my arms as we lay side by side. His little cheek was nestled on the soft pillow of my chest and his little fingers had grasped the edge of my top. It was such a moment of bliss complete and I just inhaled it all in with a warm smile on my face and in my heart.

Later this morning, Jordan got out of bed to start his day while Miles was nursing. Immediately Miles stopped, looked for dad, and saw him leave the room. He started calling, “Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada” over and over and over again, crawling to the opposite side of the bed and then sliding off. Continuing to call for Dad, hoping for a response but getting none because Jordan couldn’t hear him, he walked right out of the room in the dark to the hallway bathroom where Dada had gone. What a sweet thing to watch as he loved his Daddy so and his Daddy loved him so, at the delight and surprise Jordan had of his little boy opening the bathroom door to find Dada.

Even later…Jordan got to go to work fairly late this morning, which meant Miles got to spend a good amount of time with him, more than usual for a Friday morning. And he was just Jordan’s little buddy and pal, constantly wanting to be near him. Saying his name many times over. And playing and wrestling and giggling with Dad until he started to come running to Mommy for a rescue of respite. :) But even so, he wanted to continue to play, even though he kind of needed a break from Daddy’s beyond fun chase—MIles’ favorite game.

Then it was time for Daddy to leave, so we kissed and hugged and saw him to the door, where we waved goodbye. Miles cried and called for Dada, not wanting him to leave or wanting to go with him. Such an endearing thing.

What I want to remember from this week (2)

Or was it last week? “Time is all around except inside my clock.” Miles has begun to really recognize Jesus and call Him by name. When he sees a picture of him, he says his name and starts to sing. He did this for the first time the other day while eating breakfast, sitting in his high chair. He saw a new-to-him picture of Jesus on the wall I had just put up and he said, “Jee, Jee” (or perhaps it’s more like, “Dgee dgee”:)) and he then started singing his gentle, sweet baby notes, repeating, “Jee, Jee” throughout it. It was so tender and touching, my heart was glowing. I said things back to him like, “Yes, good job, Miles. Good job! That’s Jesus! Are you singing about Jesus? That’s so good, Miles. I love it. Yes. It’s so beautiful.” Miles has continued to sing about Jesus whenever he notices His picture this week. Jordan and I love it. It’s the most tender and sweet thing.

What I want to remember from lately

Miles has begun to pray with us. He knows when we say, “pray” or “prayer” that means to fold arms. We taught him this not too long ago and of course, being the fast, fast learner he is, he picked up on it right away. Sometimes when he notices Jordan or me folding our arms, even though we aren’t praying, he starts folding his arms too. At first he just kinda grabbed one of his forearms with his other hand and it was so, so cute to see his little effort, his little half fold. Another very tender and sweet thing. Then, just on Wednesday, he started to do more of a full fold with both of his arms. He’s getting so big and growing up so fast.

What I want to remember from last night

Speaking of growing up and getting big, last night my Miles crawled up onto the couch for the very first time! He lifted his little leg and was trying to get up, saying, “bup, pup, bup” (for “up”) to get us to pick him up like he does to put him on the couch with us. But then Jordan started encouraging him to get up by himself, and it was only a few seconds later when Miles did it! We couldn’t believe it! So proud! So bittersweet watching him grow and become every day, every hour, every minute. I love it and it fills me with joy, but then it fills my heart with nostalgia and I feel like I’m grasping at the remaining straws of his babyhood, trying not to let them slip through my fingers. Last night after Miles went to bed, Jordan and I got caught up looking at old photos and videos of Miles when he was much younger and much smaller. Oh, how it made me miss my little, newborn baby. And how it made me miss my now-baby and want to go pick him up out of his crib and bring him to bed with us to snuggle.

What I need to remember

There are so many moments each day of precious living, of watching Miles discover the world, of feeling his tender love. Moments that started the moment he was born. I’ve wanted to record them all. But very few have I written down. I started today. But there will be many moments missed, never documented from the past and from our future. It kills me inside to think I might lose a moment, lose a memory. But what I need to remember is that it’s okay for some things to go unrecorded, undocumented, unfilmed, uncaptured. It’s okay to, as Mary did, “Keep these things within my heart.” Perhaps to live these things within my heart. Maybe it’s most times that I do this and just live and be in the present moment and soak it up and live and love it and feel it for what it is right then while it is happening. Maybe that is what is called living. Seeing all the preciousness around you and feeling it, feeling the gratitude for it. Deep joy and deep gratitude for the deep preciousness of life.